When Things Go Wrong: A Guide for Host Families
Not every moment goes smoothly—but most spills (literal or not) can be cleaned up with a bit of calm and support.
Handling Challenges with Care, Clarity, and Confidence
Hosting an international student is often a joyful, meaningful experience filled with cultural exchange, shared meals, new perspectives, and lasting connections. But let us be honest: not every day is perfect.
Sometimes, even with the best intentions, misunderstandings happen. Maybe a student seems withdrawn. Maybe there is a disagreement over routines, or someone feels uncomfortable. These moments can be confusing—especially for first-time host families—but they are also completely normal.
This guide is here to help you navigate those bumps in the road with empathy and confidence, and to remind you: you are not on your own.
Step one: pause and take a breath
If something feels “off” in your hosting experience, the first thing to do is… nothing dramatic. Do not jump to conclusions, and try not to panic. Cultural adjustment is real—for both students and host families—and many issues that feel big in the moment are resolved quickly with a bit of time and calm communication.
Ask yourself:
Is this a one-time moment or an ongoing pattern?
Could this be related to culture shock, homesickness, or language barriers?
Have I had a clear conversation with the student about this before?
Common situations and what to do
Let us explore a few common scenarios—and what we recommend in each case.
1. The student is very quiet or seems withdrawn
This is one of the most common concerns, especially in the first week. Remember:
Many students are exhausted from travelling and adapting to a new culture
Some students are naturally shy or introverted
They may be nervous about using their English
✅ What to do:
Give them space, but remain open and welcoming
Try light conversation (“How was your day?” is a good start)
Invite them to join small activities like setting the table or watching TV
Gently reassure them that they can talk to you about anything—but do not push
Often, once they feel safe and rested, they will naturally open up.
2. The student is not respecting house routines
Maybe they come home late without notice, leave dishes everywhere, or play music too loudly at night. While it is important to be patient, you should not ignore repeated issues.
✅ What to do:
Have a friendly, clear conversation. Be direct but not confrontational:
“Just so you know, we usually try to keep the kitchen tidy after dinner. Can I show you where everything goes?”Offer reminders in a non-judgemental way
If needed, create a short list of simple house rules (in writing helps!)
This often clears things up quickly. Most students want to fit in and simply need guidance.
3. Cultural differences cause tension
What feels “rude” to you may be totally normal in another country—and vice versa. For example, a student may not make eye contact, decline certain foods, or react differently in conversation.
✅ What to do:
Stay curious, not critical
Ask questions like: “Is that how it’s done where you’re from?”
Share your own customs gently, e.g. “In Ireland, we usually…”
Avoid sarcasm, which may not translate well
Approach it as a learning experience, and you may find both of you grow from it.
4. The student breaks something or damages part of the home
Accidents happen—whether it is a broken glass or an iron mark on the carpet.
✅ What to do:
Stay calm and polite
Let us know if something needs repair or replacement - we may need a report from you so it is useful to have photos of what things looked like on the day of move in.
We can advise you how to address this with the sending school or the student directly
Do not confront them harshly - we want to find a solution and keep emotions calm.
Most students are embarrassed and willing to apologise. A calm, practical approach prevents tension.
5. You feel something is not quite right
Sometimes, it is not one clear issue—but a general feeling that something is wrong. The student might seem unusually distressed, not attend lessons, or isolate themselves.
✅ What to do:
Speak gently with the student: “You seem a little down—everything OK?”
Offer reassurance and normalise their feelings
Contact our team. Even if you are unsure, we would much rather hear from you than have you stay silent
You are not expected to manage emotional or mental health concerns on your own. We are here to help.
When to contact us immediately
Some situations require a quick call or email to us right away. These include:
A student goes missing or does not come home at night
Serious illness, injury, or emergency
Any situation that feels unsafe or inappropriate
Major damage to your property
Behaviour that makes you or your household uncomfortable or concerned
We will listen without judgement and help you take the next steps.
What not to do
❌ Do not share personal frustrations with the student’s school, teacher, or parents directly
❌ Do not assume bad behaviour equals bad intentions—often it is just cultural confusion or miscommunication
Hosting is a human experience. Like all relationships, it includes moments of connection and occasional misunderstanding. But when things go wrong—and sometimes they will—what matters is how we respond.
With patience, openness, and the right support, most issues are resolved smoothly. And often, the challenges are what help us grow the most—both as individuals and as host families.
If you are curious about hosting, check out our other blog posts or sign up to become a host family. We would love to hear from you!
